Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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