Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
