Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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