Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
