I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
