He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
