somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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