dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
