I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
