Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
