Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Randomize
