this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
