Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
should my penis look like a turkey
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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