pedialite and red bull = repair kit
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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