I just cut my nipple shaving
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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