....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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