doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
