He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
