Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
