Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
