Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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