As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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