people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
