Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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