dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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