Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
