I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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