He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
