so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
