drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
