She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
