Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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