My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
