Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
