PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
im holly from the hills drunk
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
