he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
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