Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
