you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
