i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
