Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
