the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
