I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
