I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
