I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
