May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
