apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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