you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
