He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize
