Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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