Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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