dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
