I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
