My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize